You whisper in my hear "Stay, stay some more. I can't ask I know, but I want to feel your warmth, for another second..."
I want to stay here forever
"I got to go" I utter quickly, without conviction.
Can't you see I am getting lost? The thread I am stepping on is so thin. I am losing contact with the reality and the reality is that you are just a dream.
Your tongue follows the profile of my jaw, hesitating when you feel me shivering.
Your hands explore my body, learning by heart the shapes, feeling its temperature raise at your touch.
"Stay...I want to learn about you" you are not begging, that sounds more like a gentle order.
I want to stay, I want you.
Why do you do this? Why do you pretend this is something you want, when we both know you are just trying to make me feel good. It's this the price I have to pay for happiness? See you vanish every time the sun rises?
You are cold, but my skin burns when your body gets close to mine.
"Bo..." your voice is low and deep, dense of pleasure and full of desire.
"Stop provoking me or I swear I won't be responsible for my actions..."
you smile and bury your face in my neck. I feel your teeth softly biting me.
I pull you on my lap and drag my fingers down your back.
I would like to do something, I would like to take you.
I would like to feel you roughly and painfully.
I would like just to seat here motionless, concentrating on your movement, the sound of your moans, the beat of your heart.
Images of a moment in time I can't locate show up behind my eyelids.
His lips, looking for mines, his hands making me shout his name, the silence of his absence.
Say, have you ever felt the desire of stopping the time? I wanted to do it back then. I want to do it right now.
I have exchanged a ghost with a dream, but it feels so right.
I feel better living in my head, with you, than living a real life where I feel pain every time I wake up.
If he would just come back and tell me that where he is now we would be able to make love and look into each other's eyes again, if he could come back for a second and tell me that over the edge I can still meet him, I would not doubt a second to stop the time forever and run to him.
But he doesn't. He doesn't even come back to whisper my name in the dark anymore.
He has left me to you...to a dream.
Probably this happened for a reason I still can't understand. Or maybe it's just a joke of my destiny and there is nothing to understand, there has never been any whisper and my mind is creating shadows that will be my companions ever after.
Well if that's the case, I hope that madness comes soon. I hope to lose conscience of this reality and to dwell in this illusion forever.
If this dream disappears, like the ghost has vanished, I hope to be able to vanish along with it, lost in the amber of a full glass, in the scent of flowers and smoke.
Because this is what I am, a night full of alcohol, smoke and indecent desires.
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NOTE OF THE AUTHOR: I have received a bottle of Cognac for my birthday. That's a very bad fabulous present. very bad fabulous...I could possibly break my proposition not to drink anymore. Just an idea.
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