Seth couldn’t concentrate on his paperwork, the discussion he had with Miguel the day before was echoing in his head. He still couldn’t understand why his friend got so lit up about that.
“If you would look beyond your own stiff convictions Seth, you’ll see that there are people loving you. The problem is you don’t look in the right direction, Válgame Dios!”
Miguel had moved from Colombia a few years before and he had been his colleague since almost two years now. Seth found Miguel a very interesting guy, smart and cool and after a few months working together, they had been seeing each other out of work, for a drink or to play pool and they ended up becoming quite good friends.
They could talk about everything and they were always on the same wavelength.
But the day before something had turned Seth’s world upside down.
He should have been at work till late for a meeting, but the chairman had called him to cancel it, so he decided to take the rest of the day off and go home. He knew Renée didn’t have to work and he wanted to surprise her….and he did.
The door of the apartment was locked. Seth thought it was strange when they were home they just closed it without locking it. When he entered the room the muffled sounds coming from the bath caught his attention. He neared the half opened door.
Renée was in the shower facing the wall, she was moaning loudly due to the apparently skilled attentions of Ward, Seth’s best friend.
He went back to the living room took out his coat and jacket, took a glass and the bottle of cognac, he filled the glass and drank it empty in one shot.
Paying attention not to be noisy he went to the sleeping room, took a suitcase and threw all could fit of Renée’s clothes in it. He put it by the door and then he sat on the couch waiting.
It took sometimes before the two came out of the shower.
“Oh my…” he heard Renée’s shocked voice and immediately after Ward echoing her with a “Oh fuck!”
He stood up and walked to Renée “You have five minutes to disappear” he said cool “I’ll send you the rest of your stuff later”
“Seth, let me ex-…” Ward tried to say
“Shut up. Get the hell out of here, before I fucking kill you…”
Ward didn’t reply, he quickly dressed and he vanished.
When he finally remained alone, Seth took the bottle he had left on the counter with the serious intention to drink it out.
After a few more glasses the emotions began flowing in his blood amplified by the alcohol “Why am I actually smashing myself for that bitch?” he said loudly to himself kicking the leg of the table.
He took the phone and called Miguel. He needed someone to talk to, someone he could trust. His friend was a very good listener. Seth always had a good feeling after talking to him.
“Hi Miguel it’s me…Seth…”
“Hola! You sound…awful! Something the matter?”
“Just…I need to talk to someone…”
“Where are you?”
“At home.”
“Give me twenty minutes and I am there..”
When Seth opened the door, his shirt open, covered in sweat and smelling of alcohol, Miguel frowned
“What the hell has happened here? Let me in…”
He took Seth by an arm and pushed him down on the couch sitting next to him
“Come on…what’s the matter?”
Seth told him the summary of what happened that afternoon and Miguel listened actively.
“It’s going to pass, I think you should be proud of yourself…your carpet is not stained of blood” he joked “and you have other friends and love is not irreplaceable.”
“I don’t want to trust anybody anymore. I thought he was my best friend…I wonder how long they were doing that behind my back. Love is just something we want to believe in, to refuse acknowledging that human life is nothing but struggling to satisfy ones physical needs…screw them!” he said filling his glass again.
“If you think that, only because of what happened today you are a coward. You prefer being the victim and making a burden of yourself than reacting” Miguel replied angrily.
“It’s time I become aware of the fact that I am possibly not going to find someone loving me completely, the same way I would be ready to love. That kind of love doesn’t exist…”
At that point Miguel had lost his temper. “You don’t understand anything” he said blushing, and he turned away from him. “I’d better I go now. I seem not to be of any use here.” He hissed while leaving his apartment.
He didn’t see him since then and he still couldn’t get over his behavior.
The door of Seth’s office creaked open.
“May I come in?” said Miguel blushing.
“Hi Miguel! Sure!”
“I won’t stay long; I just meant to apologize for last night…you asked me for support and I lost my temper…Lo siento”
“Naah, no te agüites …I was weeping like a baby. I needed someone to shake me awake. I just…I just don’t understand why you got so mad about it. I think you would have lost some faith in your fellow man too, if you had been fucked from your girlfriend and your best friend at the same time...”
“Maybe” he said “What about drinking something together at my place tonight? Then you can weep some more and I won’t be the jerk this time…” he smiled warmly. His tan skin was a neat contrast with his pearl white teeth.
Miguel’s flat was small but cozy.
“I brought a bottle of Cognac but I forgot the cigars” Seth apologized entering the room.
“It’s alright; I still have some good ones”
The night was warm and a scented breeze was coming from the sea. They sat on the floor on the balcony, and Seth all of a sudden didn’t feel like talking about what happened the day before anymore.
“Wanna talk?” said Miguel with an encouraging tone.
“Not really, I am enjoying the moment; I think I don’t really feel like talking now”
Miguel swallowed soundly “N-no problem”
They sat there for a long time, smoking and drinking, without saying a word. Seth caught his friends staring at him from time to time. He seemed worried.
“Is something bugging you?” he asked
“No, I…I’ll be right back” Miguel stood up and rushed inside.
Seth had the impression that something was wrong. He waited a while but Miguel didn’t show up. He went looking for him.
He went around in the apartment and he heard a noise of water coming from the bath. The door was open and Seth saw Miguel with his head under the gush of water from the faucet.
As he saw him he stood up, frowning, water dropping from his hair.
Seth felt his heart pounding, but he immediately got shocked from his own behavior -wait a sec! What’s with me getting all self conscious now? He is a guy and he is a friend! – Still he felt the tension rising.
Miguel stepped towards him.
He turned away “sorry” he said “you didn’t come back and I just wanted to check whether you were alright…you seemed upset”
“I was” Miguel suddenly replied whispering in Seth’s ear “I was upset at myself…for the feeling I have and for the fact that I can’t control myself” Seth’s heart was pounding so hard that he thought Miguel could hear it.
He turned back holding his breath. Their lips were so near they almost touched. “M-Miguel I…” That is what it was all about then?… was that the direction I had forgotten to look in?
“Maybe I should go home.” He said suddenly looking down
“Maybe” was the cold reply.
Going back home, he tried to clean up the mess he had in his head. What happened just a while before? What would have happened if he didn’t turn away? Was that the alcohol or Miguel really meant what he said?
For a moment he had felt like letting himself go. He wanted that. He could lie to Miguel, but he couldn’t lie to himself.
Once back home Seth threw himself on the bed without making the effort to undress. Before he realized he was asleep and shortly after the alarm clock woke him up.
“It’s already morning” he said talking to himself. In a second the memories of the night before came back to him. How am I going to face him today? I don’t know if I have to feel guilty or proud of myself…damn it!
When he arrived in the office he discovered that Miguel had called in sick.
He got on the point of calling him several times during the day, but he didn’t.
Miguel didn’t show up during the whole week and when Seth finally tried to call him he got his answering machine.
Seth began feeling guilty. Maybe he was not coming because of what happened…what if he was there feeling depressed? He had to do something…Miguel had been there for him when he was desperate.
Being honest he also wanted to see him. This last thought made him blush. He smiled embarrassed to himself “Good job Seth!” he said aloud “very good job!”
After work he drove to his apartment.
He had to ring several times before hearing footsteps on the other side of the door. He felt his blood concentrating on his cheeks.
The door went open: “Seth…How…why are you here?” Miguel was visibly surprised
“Can I come in?”
“Sure!”
They sat on the couch.
“Why didn’t you come to work?” Seth said throwing him a stern look “and why didn’t you pick up your phone?”
Miguel dropped his head and sighed. “What do you think? I have made a fool of myself. This is the first time in my life I run away from something” he confessed “I was scared that you were not going to talk to me anymore, now that you know how “things” are…”
“And…how are ‘things’?” Seth felt his own voice trembling.
Miguel raised his head and he looked at him. He was breathing quickly, his lips parted, his face suddenly flushed.
Seth moved closer to him their eyes met for a second and his brain was hushed. He took Miguel’s face in his hands and kissed him, but he didn’t return the kiss.
Seth frowned “Now I am the one making a fool of himself, I probably misunder…”
Before he could finish the sentence Miguel pulled him towards himself and kissed him, slowly, deeply for such a long time he got lost in his kiss.
“I am sorry…” Miguel finally said breaking the spell and, hugging Seth firmly, he added with a smile “I was so happy that I got stoned…”
“We are a good couple of geeks…” They laughed together.
“Well, are you going to come to work tomorrow?”
“Sure”
“Well…then it’s better for me to go now. It’s getting late…” Seth tried to free himself from his friends hug without success “what the..?”
“I don’t want you to go…”
“I don’t want to go either but…”
Miguel let him free from his hug
“Then stay” he said. He was giving him the choice to stay or go. They both stare at the ground.
Turning towards him Miguel saw that Seth was looking at him, his expression was confused, his eyes begging:
"I like it when I am looking at you and I can see you looking back at me." He said taking his hand.
He stood up and pulled Seth along. They moved to the back room.
It was a small space with no furniture but a futon bed and an old standing lamp. The large window was covered by two heavy curtains. The moonlight filtered in between barely defining the space.
They threw themselves on the bed.
“It’s a long time I ask myself how it would be like…” the moon was illuminating Miguel’s face. His eyes were glowing like the ones of a feline.
“What about?” Seth asked rolling a tuft of Miguel’s black hair around his finger.
“El sabor de tu cuerpo…”
The depth of Miguel’s voice made Seth shiver.
“I possibly didn’t tell you that you are darned sexy when you speak Spanish…”
“creo que no” Miguel answered nibbling his lips.
“Jerk…” Seth moaned slightly out of control.
The air of the room felt like velvet on his skin. Seth’s mind was filled only with his lover’s presence.
At the beginning of that day he was still fighting against the idea he could have feelings for another man and now it all felt like it was completely natural.
Maybe love really existed at the end, maybe it had been waiting for him all that time over the edge.
==================================
Author's note: taking for yourself the pleasure of coldly prepare the suticase of your partner why she is having sex with another man in the shower it's priceless. That is the moment when you realize that maybe your life needs to change direction.
Cognac is not exactly the best enhancing method but concerning me that's pure fanaticism.
