I wish you to survive

Today I can’t think sharply. It’s like something would be blurring my senses.
Last night I wanted to show you the meaning of love but it was just sex and the hunger ejaculated out of me and we moved one step further from each other.
You think it’s all given don’t you? You think it’s enough to live a healthy wealthy life together. You don’t need fuel to keep the fire alight, but I do.

I am really sorry.

No, actually I am not.

“Come on, Bo I want to do it…”
“Kid, it’s late let me be…I have to get up at five tomorrow morning”

You rub your erection on my thigh

“Dammit Kid! Don’t behave like a child…you had the whole fucking day to…”

I feel your tongue on my groin

“what the fuck…” I moan.

I am getting hard too and that’s the end of my complaints.

Taking you and then sleep, I know the pattern and then it will be done for another month until YOU feel like it again.

I am human.

You can’t keep messing with me. When I put my foot wrong, maybe you’ll understand.
There’s nothing either good or bad, if we don’t think of it.

Your hands guide me into you, a muffled moan that you silence on my lips.

You control your voice, you still don’t want me to hear you. I get high of my own moans.

The rhythm of my movements doesn’t care about you anymore.

I think of him while having sex with you. That brings me where I want.

“Bo…”
“I know…” But I am not going to stop, not this time, not even if you beg me too. Pleasure turns into pain.

"Bo please…”

I have been begging you for months, in silence: “look at me, I need you…look at me I am starving for your love…” But you’ve been deaf to my cry, letting my tears dry slowly on my cheeks.

I know, but I am not going to stop, I want this pain to wake you up, I want you too see me.
You are crying. I cry out with you, an explosion of rage coming out my throat.

We collapse like card towers. You turn away from me.

Tonight it was not sleep after the pleasure, but anxiety after the pain.

You’ll still be here tomorrow.
I will be here too trying to keep this worn out love alive.

I won’t ask you for forgiveness if I can make this wish come true.

Blaming me is not going to spare you from the pain.

I wish you to survive, I'll do my best not to sink.