the dawn of the crimson moon

Keth Silverclaw was standing in front of the window, his arms crossed the slender body fiercely erected. He looked emotionless, his green eyes half covered by his raven black hair, that the light of the moon made shine in silver.

“Stop shaking like that Eledhwen, I could not avoid it. You know it better than me...so stop this. Things can't be changed”
He turned away adjusting with one hand the sword at his side.
The thick walls of the manor smelled of humid and dust and in the lights of the torches hanging on the wall I could see my hands covered in blood;
I felt it on my body, drenching my clothes, I felt it on my face.
The smell, like of metal, was almost unbearable.

I was sitting on a thick furry carpet, unable to move. I felt the tears flowing out of my eyes and a cry of desperation was resonating into my chest, trapped and unable to get out.
It was obvious that I had started it all.

“Come with me...” Keth's voice was all of a sudden softer, almost caressing and all of a his deep green eyes were shining with pity.
He helped me to stand and supporting me he took me to the room they called room of bathing.

In the centre of the room there was a huge circular pool. The water was warm, steam was floating above the pool giving it a surreal look. The stone covering the sides of the bath shone like pearl at the light of the candles burning all around it.

Keth took a towel, he drenched it with water from a barrel and he came to me. He begun cleaning my face.
I closed my eyes. The towel smelled of Jasmine, like Keth.

“Don't fear Eledhwen...”
he used my full name.

The elf undressed me and he went on cleaning my body, rinsing from time to time the towel in the scented water.
He spoke the ancient language. The tip of his fingers felt cold on my heated skin.

“Now the trace of my sin has left your body...” he hesitated to continue “allow me to fill your soul with the same sin”

“Keth Silverclaw” I replied formally “I am not free for you to take. I am a druid. Druids can't know physic love”

His eyes suddenly burned with anger.
“I have just ended the tribe of Trucia for you and your folk, and you want to refuse me your body?”

I wanted him.
He didn't have to know.

“I warn you Silverclaw, high elf of the tribe of Gandrel” I said without conviction “Touch me and you'll be cursed.

“I have been cursed the day I have met you Eledhwen Ciryatan” he uttered grabbing my hair. I moaned in pain.
“Tell me the truth little devil...you are pushing me...you want me...to beg you...”

It was true, I was the devil disguised in priest's clothes.

I wanted him. Since the day I had met him for the first time. I wanted him, even today after the terrible things I had seen.

“Take me Keth. Take my body, take my soul...make of it what you want, let's be cursed together...”
I opened my arms, presenting myself to him like an offer.

He laughed out loud and outside the manor his wolf howled in response to the sound of his laughter.

Keth took me in his arms, like I would be his bride and stepped still fully clothed into the pool. Holding me with one arm he used his other hand to unfasten the belt holding his sword and he let it fall gently outside the pool.

I opened his black jacket his golden buttons were decorated with miniatures showing scenes of the ancient war.
Under the jacket he was wearing a black linen blouse; the black of the fabric made a sharp contrast with the shining ivory of his skin.

He made me seat into the water. The strong smell of flowers surrounded me melting the sensations, the lust, the impatience.

He undressed himself and he came kneeling in front of me.

His eyes were now shining of a new light, deep cruel eyes of a wolf ready to assault his victim.

I was charmed.

“You are so beautiful Keth...a druid is not used to such a luxurious beauty we leave in simplicity, we are simple people...”

He didn't reply. He didn't change his expression. He seemed to be studying my body. Then he suddenly grabbed my shoulder and pressing his lips on my neck he sucked my skin shortly moving his tongue like he was trying to decide how I tasted.

I could smell the scent of forest and jasmine in his hair.

His kisses became more and more audacious. He seemed to be increasing his self confidence at each new kiss. He became impatient, his hands moved between my legs.
I was hard and his hands felt like ice on my erection.
Then his mouth came, hot and soft.

“Keth, I am lost...I thought I knew all but now I am lost...”
“it's because I have lied to you” he replied to me without taking away his mouth from me “it's because we lied to ourselves. We are not meant to be warriors, we are not meant to be wisemen...we are meant to be lovers...”

I felt he had kept love in himself for too long, I felt his loneliness, his rage, his passion.

His breath surrounded my flesh, while his hands grabbed my sides. He was hurting me but the pain melted into pleasure when he entered me, without warning, without mercy.
I had never known physical love – not with a woman, nor with a man.
The narrations of the druids talked about it, of how men lose their reason for love and of how love makes you waste your energy for the sake of physical fulfillment.

In the long austere years as a druid I had learned to respect the silence. No sound came out of my mouth even when he pushed hard, faster, growling like a wild wolf.

I liked to see him losing control. I liked his expression, showing rage and lust.
He suddenly slowed his pace.

“I want you to come with me. Touch yourself...I am near.”
he ordered.

I got hold of my pulsing flesh, and I began stroking it fast. He licked my neck, biting when due to the tension of pleasured I suddenly throbbed.

“Eledhwen if you don't move it'll be too late, I won't last much longer...” he said an enduring expression on his face.
The sound of his voice, liquid silver, excited me so much I reached the point of no return.

“Keth I am coming...”
I said, my voice trembling.

He pushed it all into me, whispering into my ear words of love in the elfish old idiom.
He promised to protect me forever.

“I'll be your knight, son of the moon. I will protect you until the last breath of life will leave my body. This is written in the stars”

I was now property of a high elf, a male, like me.

I had now learned the meaning of the word falling, I had lost my virginity and my soul, I could not go back in time any more and I didn't even want it.

Since the day I had met Keth, a few years before, I had been fascinated by his person, the mystery and the strength surrounding him. There was no way I could escape to his charm.

He had come to the village to meet the Wiseman, the oldest of the druids, at that time I was in the order only since a few days.
When he arrived, the big wolf at his side, I was walking among the houses enjoying the warmth of the summer.

“You druid!” he told me with a harsh unpleasant tone “bring me to the Wiseman!”
I frowned
“Who are you, white elf, to think you can give me an order?”
he raised his eyebrows.

“You are in front of the leaders of Gandrel, human! Is this enough as an answer?”
“It is” I replied “but now you can look for the Wiseman yourself.

I turned my back at him, but I felt his hand clenching around my arm, his face suddenly so close to mine, that I could smell him, the strong scent of jasmine and forest.

“Don't mess with me druid! I could suddenly forget the treaty...”
I swallowed soundly, still frowning
“I am not scared of you elf.” I bluffed.

His wolf growled and it sounded like a laughter.
Keth smirked
“You have courage druid” he let my arm go “Come Cyrrus” he said talking to his wolf “we'll go look for the Wiseman since the brat won't cooperate”

Since that day he dropped by the village very often, for a reason or another. Sometimes he jumped out of the bushes when I was walking in the forest, talking to me with his arrogant tone.
With the passing of time we became close. There were not a lot of words between us, but a silent link existing beyond us.

The day the dark elves attacked the village, Keth, leader of the tribe of Gandrel had come to save us. The hatred between light and dark elves had existed for ages, but there was a treaty forbidding them both to attack humans. That treaty has been made to preserve the name of the elfish race.

At the beginning I thought that was the reason pushing Keth to save us, in the rage of the battle though Keth came to look for me, killing every creature who came between us, and when he found me he took me away with him.
His wolf opened us the way to the dark manor, and the rest of the story...well, it's what I just told you.

Concerning me, I didn't become a druid because I had heard the call. I did it for the knowledge. I wanted to know the secret of alchemy, the power of herbs and the secrets of poisons.

I had never been ready to lose the privilege of being a druid, not for power, not for love.
Not until that moment.

Keth climaxed, biting his under lip, his eyes closed, pearls of sweat shining on his forehead, his hair like a black crown.

I was excited, tired, happy, scared.

“What am I supposed to do now Keth?” I told him when he came to rest his head on my chest.
“You are mine now” he replied.
I smiled, unable to oppose him.
“You'll be at my side” he continued “I'll do all for you...you don't believe it?” he turned his head and looked right into my eyes. In the depth of his green iris I saw my past, full of bad memories, filled with sorrow and rare joyful moments, I felt sensations I could barely remember.

In his eyes I saw the future, full of mystery and secrets, full of strength and courage, of battles and peaceful moments.

In his eyes I saw our bodies entangled in a dance of love, our lips touching, our tongues looking for each other.
All my questions faded in the image of him.
For the first time that day I felt safe.
For the first time in my life I understood the meaning of the word happiness.
“I belong to you, Keth Silverclaw” I told him a second before his lips reached mines.

The wolves outside the manor were howling at the crimson moon filling a black sky, they were welcoming our new life and the beginning of our future.

=====================================================================
note of the author: don't think it's easy to forget I had given my heart to an illusion. It seems that not freaking out about it, made of me a worthless simpleton. I still believe in all the nonsense. I am a conscious son of a bitch.

Words

Words
So easy to say
So easy to forget
I am made of words and
Your words cover me like
A blanket
Stab me
Like a golden knife
Kill me like a silent
Poison.
Words
Nothing else between us
Lies and truths
Love and hate
Nothing I can close my
Hands on
And when I open them again
You are not there anymore.
I am a fool believing
In words coming from ghosts
Maybe in my head
Words are like butterflies
Colored and happy
But reality makes them
Taste bitter
Like my own conscience
Bitter
Like my own heart
Empty
I am going to pass the days that will follow
Looking for your lips in the tea leaves at the
Bottom of my cup
Saying your name aloud
Making love to your image in my dreams.
Forgetting is impossible
But turning the watch back and pretend it's all right
It's something I can still try.
Maybe he'll come back and be like before
A cold steamy hand passing through my hair
While I sleep.

=======================================================================
NOTE OF THE AUTHOR: I'll be gone for a while, to wash away the taste of your kisses in salt water. Until I find you again.

just a moment

My breath gets faster.
Your hand reaches the zipper of my trouser.
I am so excited...
"Don't be so loud Bo', they'll hear us..."
Your smile is meaningful. You know you are driving me crazy and you seem to enjoy the feeling.
The party seems to be going great outside the door of your room.

You undress me and stare at me for a while.
I get uncomfortable.
"Well? what are your plans?" I say a little bit harsh.
"Making you beg me..."
I swallow soundly.
"I see..."
I smile, because you are just how I want you to be, so free and so terrible, so beautiful and sensual.
I get up and I begin undressing you, slowly kissing every inch of your body I unclothe.
Your fingers move on my back slowly hesitating.
you pull me towards you.
The touch of your skin is something I'll possibly never get used to.
I am burning.
"I want to taste you, every inch of you..." I say
"I was supposed to be the one making you lose control.."
I laugh soundly
"How do you call this" I take your hand and place it on my chest, my heart is beating so fast I have the feeling it could be exploding.
You laugh.
While I kiss you, biting you softly, gliding down your body, your hands reach me and they know exactly what they need to do, to make me lose this game.
"Y-you...this is not fair..."
I fall down on the bed.
One on one, your hands, fingers entangled in my hair, you lips so cold getting fire on my skin, I feel like my body would become liquid,
"I want you. I want all of you..." I say.
You don't answer...


"You know that you are so beautiful after making love..." I tell you panting when you fall exhausted on my chest.
You smirk "You are very cute when you beg..."
I shake my head "you really are unbelievable!"

I had no intention of falling in love with you. Too painful, too dangerous, too impossible, but how can I stop this?
How can I keep myself from desiring you when you are constantly in my mind, in my dreams...

You get up

"What are you doing?"
"Go back to the party..."
"You must be kidding me?"

I pull you back in bed
"Stay. Stay some more...they won't miss us"
"You are hopeless..." You say smiling
"Yes, I am, do you care?"

You shake your head and hold me
I close my eyes and hope this moment will last forever.

the one and only

After the end there is a new beginning, where I am not who I was anymore. No heartbeats, no weakness, only stone and steel, dry eyes and motionless heart.
No heartbeats, no joy or sorrow.
Only time, flowing like a deep dark river, of which I can't see the bottom.
I have touched it with my hand and it has dissolved through my fingers.
I have felt its warmth and now the winter has come and filled the void with ice.
I don't want to feel cold.
Cold reminds me of loneliness, of people I have lost of hands forcing me to feel good when all I wanted was throwing up.


I close my eyes and I see a beach, the shore of pink little shells.
I am alone watching the sea, the sun setting into the waves, far at the horizon.
I'd like to show it to you but you are not here.
I close my eyes and try to fix this image into my memory.
But I get your image instead.
Fire on water.
Mist on the void.

I let myself fall but there is no bottom and I keep on falling until I wake up and I realize the void is nothing more than a path in which I miss beauty, youth and freedom, to find you along the way.

Since I am aware of the time I still have left and of all the things I won't be able to do with that time, I am grasping her thin neck once more licking her till the end, sucking out all it remains and letting myself drift into a world of nothingness, where the memories float around me like fireflies and love can't hurt me.

I don't care if they will be waiting, writing, worrying, I will be wasting that time and pretending you are still there, my tongue on your skin, rough caresses on your sides, my teeth biting your shoulder you light casting a shadow on my soul, who cannot stop talking about you.

Kill it. Kill all these illusions, I can see through.
I will lose this sorrow like the skin of a snake and leave the rest of my time like a fallen angel staring at the bottom of his memory.

One way ticket

Writing the word end is something I have never been able to do.
It's like my hand would fear it, like 'end' could only mean something terrible.
I like to open doors, not close them behind me.

They say you can't always decide. They say that sometimes you can't be your own happiness.

They told me feelings are not everything...but what is the next step when feeling are all I have left and they fall? What is the next step when you are on the edge looking down into the void or looking up to the stars which are not burning anymore?

It's a heavy day, a heavy week a heavy fucking life I don't want anymore.

I have no time to look back and no force to look foreward.

I will take a short break from myself and prepare for what I have left.

I'm leaving on this train with no driver, destination unknown. One way ticket.

burning

Cold fingers touching lightly the line of my jaw, down to my neck.
I try to open my eyes but I am too tired.
"what are you doing?"
"keep on sleeping. I didn't want to wake you up..."
I pull you down on my chest.
"How can I keep on sleeping when your scent fills my nostrils and I feel the touch of your skin?"
Your hand is searching me under the cover.

"Do you remember when we first met? That feeling of having known each other since always?"

your hands follow the shape of my body, your breath is deep, calm.

"I still feel that, whatever you say or do to me it's like your movements and words would be written in me. I don't see you. I don't see our differences. I just feel you"

You gently press your lips on my shoulder.
I take your hand and kiss your fingers, biting them gently and letting my tongue glide between them.

"Don't make me think about how impossible my feelings are. Make me forget who I am"

the air smells of salt and resin. I hear the sound of the waves crashing on the rocks.

I know this place, I used to come here a long time ago; it's full of memories and pain.

I look at you, you seem to be far from me in your thoughts.
"Don't leave me" I say
"Why do you worry? I am here"
"I worry because I am not used to beauty in my life and when you talk to me your words crash into my world and make me think that maybe...maybe I am allowed this dream, but when I can't be with you it all seems so distant and cold. I am not so strong.."
I hold you tightly and try to lose connection with the reality, only you, your words whispered on my skin make me shiver.
I only hear the sound of the waves and our voices saying silently the truth we can't shout.

I would like to be able to keep you here, to make a prisoner of you and never allow you to leave my side, but you are made of sea foam and when the dream turns into dawn you vanish leaving only the fire on every part of me you touched.

I am too tired and unfocused to show you all the wonders you make for me when the dark comes and I lay myself down to sleep.
There is a very thin edge between reality and illusion and I am trapped in the space that is in between, calling your name, pretending my hands would be yours, waking up in sweat, my breath running my lips wet.

There is much more in those night than you'll ever know.

=======================================================================
Note of the Author: Believe to my words and never trust illusions. You are much more than reality to me, you are there beyond the edge where time and space do not count. Don't go away from me, allow me this dream, since it's all I care for.