the one and only

After the end there is a new beginning, where I am not who I was anymore. No heartbeats, no weakness, only stone and steel, dry eyes and motionless heart.
No heartbeats, no joy or sorrow.
Only time, flowing like a deep dark river, of which I can't see the bottom.
I have touched it with my hand and it has dissolved through my fingers.
I have felt its warmth and now the winter has come and filled the void with ice.
I don't want to feel cold.
Cold reminds me of loneliness, of people I have lost of hands forcing me to feel good when all I wanted was throwing up.


I close my eyes and I see a beach, the shore of pink little shells.
I am alone watching the sea, the sun setting into the waves, far at the horizon.
I'd like to show it to you but you are not here.
I close my eyes and try to fix this image into my memory.
But I get your image instead.
Fire on water.
Mist on the void.

I let myself fall but there is no bottom and I keep on falling until I wake up and I realize the void is nothing more than a path in which I miss beauty, youth and freedom, to find you along the way.

Since I am aware of the time I still have left and of all the things I won't be able to do with that time, I am grasping her thin neck once more licking her till the end, sucking out all it remains and letting myself drift into a world of nothingness, where the memories float around me like fireflies and love can't hurt me.

I don't care if they will be waiting, writing, worrying, I will be wasting that time and pretending you are still there, my tongue on your skin, rough caresses on your sides, my teeth biting your shoulder you light casting a shadow on my soul, who cannot stop talking about you.

Kill it. Kill all these illusions, I can see through.
I will lose this sorrow like the skin of a snake and leave the rest of my time like a fallen angel staring at the bottom of his memory.