I promised to a lie

It’s all because we have been told that love is a fine feeling, which we suppose to need to be happy. But happy times are like pieces of glass on the shore, getting polished by the sea, losing they shine. Happy moments are there to give an illusion, to begin and to end. Love and pain go together and the pain is so hard that you can forget yourself in it.

Falling in love is just a lie. Lust exists. Interest exists. But not love. Love is there when we lose our ability to see, and we leave of a mirage. Illusion is a drug you get addicted to and when you dream once you can’t stop anymore and you end up losing contact with reality.

I am longing for a world of silence and dark, where my feelings can be dead and where I rely only on reason. But that’s also a lie, since you can’t run away from yourself.

I have been waiting for so long for the past to come back. I could have accepted the monster to come live under my pillow again, as long as that meant having you back.

But love is a painful illusion and you are a liar.

Now I live with a heart that looks more and more like a filthy snail, crawling in my chest with no pulse only blood drops falling on a concrete pavement.

In my pocket I still have a couple of dreams made of sludge and a broken watch; I still keep it there, like all the other things that ended…A pathetic collection.

Still I trust in something. I trust in the feeling that spoke to me the day I met you. I trust in every word you didn’t say. I trust in the warmth filling my body while you kiss me. I would have liked to be strong and I never wanted to have a reason to apologize, but my destiny seems to have other plans for me.

That’s the reason why I am here now, holding your hands on my lips asking for forgiveness.

I am giving up, all the silly thoughts, the flirting sentences, the weakness and the dependence. I give up my soul, but that’s not such a loss, you can easily get a new soul at the black market, and I will make sure to have a better one.

I am taking arms against a pain of living that annihilates the attempts of being happy.

You need a person who does more than simply existing and I’ll be that person, for your sake, because there is nothing more sacred for me than your precious self.

Herewith my promise.