sleep

It's like being under water and trying to breathe.
the sensation of no hair reaching your lungs.
But I am not scared, if I stop breathing you'll be my last thought before this velvet dark.
I am tired.
I see your lips moving but I hear no sound.
No sound.
I like diving into this unknown feeling, familiar still unknown.

a touch of heaven

I let my fingers glide on your back "are you alright?" the question comes out of my lips in a whisper broken from this desire that is grabbing my throat.
You don't answer.
Your eyes of white tiger look at me, mischievous and sensual.
I close mine trying to keep myself together.
your lips on my neck burn, like fire.
"Sho..." it's like I am pronouncing your name for the first time.
My hands are still exploring your body.
I gently pull you towards me, you don't oppose resistance and we come to lie side by side.
I like the silver of your skin illuminated by the moonlight, you are a porcelain doll
to which they have stolen innocence.
"kiss me"
Kiss me like it would be the last kiss you give in your life.
I want to taste you, not only imagine your taste.
Your sweet scent crawls into my senses.
How long can I still resist without losing my reason.
I want you in all the ways possible.
"Open your eyes" you say "I want you to look at me..."
your tongue caresses the red of your lips.
You move nearer.
"Even if this is only a dream, you will feel it..." you take my hand and shortly suck at my finger.
Tension is rising in my body, but I can't move
"A dream..?" I ask you "How can it be, I smell you...I taste you...if this is a dream I never want to wake up..."
"Never is such a long time..."
Your lips are now so near.
I can't resist.
stop teasing.
nearer...just another inch.
A small kiss, like a cherry in the mouth of a kid.
I know you want me too, I can feel your breath getting faster and deeper, but I can't move, my body is suddenly not responding to my command.
A kiss, deeper, longer.
"Bo, I won't let you sleep. I want you to loose control..."
as if there would be a next step to this madness.
...
The warmth of your body, the way you move, the taste of your lips...the silk of your skin...Please, let me take you before I become insane.
...
...
I open my eyes. The hotel room is cold.
your taste is still on my tongue and your scent all around me.
you are probably sleeping now, I can't call you to tell you that I miss you.
....
My phone vibrates.
a text.
"dreams are more real than reality and so fabulous. I miss you."
I miss you too baby.
I don't text back though. I don't want you to know how I feel right now, but i don't want to lie either, so I enjoy knowing you are thinking of me and dreaming of me like I do of you...do you know how much I love you?

Jasmine and  cherry blossoms: this is what heaven tastes like.


Note of the author: I am an old jerk who enjoys love and sex too much to ever give up.  HERE the soundtrack of my sin.

the string of your pleasure

strong and frigile

your lips move slowly

your tongue caressing each word

I can't hear your voice

but I feel it crawling 

into my blood

euphory

deep sensation of

freedom

Years behind me do not

count

anymore

You blow all away with 

your sensual strength

I play my melody on your body

hesitating fingers

discovering the

string of your pleasure.

Author's note: Playing violin just before sleepinhg is exciting. Possibly too exciting.

 Or maybe is just exams stress....if all stress is like the dream of tonight...man! let it come...cough*

The 100th day of the steel monkey

I can’t distinguish the scenery, since my head keeps on changing it. The clouds are shaded of purple and crimson and the soil is made of little shells. My feet are bleeding, but I can’t feel the pain.

I in my own eyes - A steel monkey.

Step by step following a destination that is made of melted gold, I surround myself with the scent of your skin. You are the beginning and the end. You are my dark sun.

You in my eyes – a silver tiger.

My hands glide on the silk of your legs, lanky pirate looking for a lecherous treasure. I taste the sweet and bitter flavor of your soul and whisper images in your hear. You reply with an absent laugh, while concentrating on the dialogue of our bodies.

I turn life on while licking our desire from your lips.

Slow movements unsettle my body forced into yours, sealed in a natural struggle.

I want to feel more.

I want to feel longer.

Unconsciously hurting you I tie you up and devour you.

The 100^th day of the steel monkey.

The sky is still full of kites and on those clouds we are making love.

Sweetly rough statement of simple joy.

PS: I had a dream of you and the only thing I remember is you tasted of jasmine...

for music only

And Montale wrote

The Storm

Les princes n'ont point d'yeux pour voir ces grand's merveilles,
Leurs mains ne servent plus qu' à nous persécuter . . .
                                                    (Agrippa D' Aubigné: À Dieu)

The storm that trickles its long March
thunderclaps, its hail, onto the stiff
leaves of the magnolia tree;

(sounds of shaking crystal which startle you
in your nest of sleep; and the gold
snuffed on the mahogany, on the backs
of the bound books, flares again
like a grain of sugar in the shell
of your eyelids)

the lightning that blanches
the trees and walls, freezing them
like images on a negative (a benediction
and destruction you carry carved
within you, a condemnation that binds you
stronger to me than any love, my strange sister);
and then the tearing crash, the jangling sistrums, the rustle
of tambourines in the dark ditch of the night,
the tramp, scrape, jump of the fandango. . .and overhead
some gesture that blindly is groping. . .
                                                           as when
turning around, and, sweeping clear your forehead
of its cloud of hair,

you waved to me—and entered the dark.

                                                                          translated by Charles Wright

And Boris wrote:

Let the rain melt
with the hour you don't pronounce
not to wake it up.
Not so loud
not so silent
stay but leave
path wide and confortable.
One second more
into this nest
then I'll leave
for another shore
smiling crow
happy mirror.

avoid looking for
undistinguished explanations.
give up red and pick up steal
now it's fine
for both of us
so don't look for a pen
to trace line on a white
calm shore
there'll be no more writings
only music
music you don't need to
think
but only
enjoy


oh, so fine.

=======================================================================

author's note: life is fucking awesome.

cornered

Run.
I am out of breath; I feel the sweat running down my back.
Run.
From what am I escaping? I don’t know but I don’t want to die and my brain tells me I have to run.
But running into the dark is difficult.
I hear my heartbeat fast and irregular.
I look for him but I can’t see him through this dark mist.
Then that face comes out of nothing with its white eyeballs, the grey skin, with its crimson lips. The mouth goes open showing teeth sharp as a razor blade. It wants to bite me, to devour me.
I squeeze my eyes but I keep on seeing it.
The horror is that this is my face that’s me, the dead part of me, that me I hate, the demon, the murderer, the shadow.

I wake up.

It was just a nightmare, damn it.

I dry the sweat on my forehead with my arm. The alarm clock says 3 am.
I look for you with my hand the bed is empty, but your pillow is still warm. I bury my face into it and deeply inhale your scent. Incense and sweet flowers.
I get up and come to look for you.
You are preparing herbal tea in the kitchen.
“How are you Bo? You had a terrible night. You were having that nightmare again?”
I don’t answer I just hold you tight and kiss you. I kiss you like it would be the last time.
“Sho…”
Your name sleeps out of my lips, like a warm breeze “Sho…” I have the impression that repeating your name will tie you up at me.
My lips look for yours and you abandon yourself into my embrace.
We go back to bed. I want the light on, I want to see your grey eyes and that light they have while I am making love to you.
I want to see you pearly small teeth biting your lips when I taste you and your expression, mixed of pain and pleasure while I come into you like a wave, to wash away my doubts and the fear I have to lose you.
Kiss me until I die Sho, I don’t care what happens around me while you are kissing me. Your taste is like a sweet drug dragging me into a soft oblivion.
You touch my chest with your fingertips smiling.
“Bo, I am here, don’t worry”
I kiss your hand renewing my silent vow to you, I’ll be only yours until the end of my life.
When I make love to you to save my soul I always feel guilty. You give me so much and I don’t give anything in return. You always cheer me up and I am always dark.
That’s what makes me scared of losing you.
I am a crimson moon who obscures the light of a beautiful sun.
You push me down.
“Stop doing this Bo. Stop trying to convince yourself I’m leaving not to suffer when it happens…it’s useless”
“How do you…” I am scared of how deep into me you are allowed to look.
“I am the other half of you…I am the fluid filling the void”
Yeah, probably there’s no better way to say it. You just complete me.
Your kisses burn like fire on my skin. I see you smiling at my moans, you won’t stop, not tonight.
I won’t mind being weak, for one night only.
I want you to save me, even if this means you are taking my sin on you.
When you seat on me I get up and I hold you, kissing your neck and crying out your name, with a voice broken by pleasure a voice that I don’t recognized if it’s not mixed to yours.
Our moans die together leaving place to deep breath we still suffocate in desirous kisses.
“God! I love you Sho. I can’t live without you…”
“You shouldn’t give me this self confidence Mr….” Your smirk shows me that you are making fun of me.
You get sweet again all of a sudden “That you are so old and still I have to protect you…look at you!”
I bury my head in your chest and you play with my hair.
“I could stay here forever…” I say
“Then just do it. Let’s stay here and make love again…””
You don’t really need to ask it, still this is one of the best moments of my life.

I can almost forget that face with its white eyeballs, the grey skin, the crimson lips.
But I feel it’s there in a corner of my mind, ready to bite again.

=======================================================================
Note of the author: The only thing I ask is that you will be in my dreams to save me when it happens. I only need you to save me from myself. And that scares me.

sƒz

Sometimes not saying the truth is half a lie. I tell you this just because I want you to know that I know and I don't mind. There are things we can't change, things we don't want to change and things that will change us.

My head hurts, my hands are stained with blood, my heart is pounding like it would just be about to explode.

Night and darkness, that's what you are and it scares me as much as it attracts me.

They would say I am destined to get better but never recover.

Love is sudden and painful like the bite of a snake and when it reaches your heart the game is over.

I am suffocating and I see my determination vanishing water-soluble painting of my life. 

Depending from who I am missing stained memory of this eternal recurrence.

Every night the same dream comes back to wake up my senses, your lips taste of cherry and you skin is smooth and scented.

Maybe it is my feral nature to guide my fantasy making of you my prey while I probably am the mouse and you the feline, but I would not mind tasting my blood from your claws.

I'll keep it as it is, because my dreams are the anchor to the harbour of sanity.

I'll keep you in my arms and touch you until I fell your fever rising.

==================

Author's note: I suggest Mendelssohn Violin Concerto in C minor, almost better than sex....I said ALMOST.

Beyond Reality

I move my hand on your body, slowly and smoothly. I taste the skin of your neck drawing lust on its velvet with the tip of my tongue. The thought of you is stronger than pain, fatigue or sadness.

I look for you in the eyes of strangers, biting my lip until it bleeds, to contain my desire.

God…I want to feel you…or maybe I just don’t.
Feelings are like a made up woman that when you wake up the morning after you don’t recognise her any more.

I should ignore them and just let myself go to this passion.

It fills my heart, enhances my excitement.

I drag my lips on your thighs looking for the source of pleasure and pain and I listen to your moans making me lose my reason.  Like a wind blowing away the clouds, you make me brighter.

You are my here and now; you are my everywhere, my future.

I taste of you and that makes me want more.

Your lymph is my strength and my drug. I want it so badly. You can ask me everything in return - Even my life.

Inside of you I find my warmth.

 I take you strongly melting my voice with you moans, my moans with your songs.

You change like clay under my touch and I want to feel that strongly and leave the signs of my passage on you.

You are mine and I am the one who possesses you, you are mine and I am the one who violates you:

Your body, with my body

Your ears, with my words

Your soul, with my darkness

Your heart, with my insane love.

Every thrust shouts my love to you; every word you say is the answer.

I release my tension and I receive your cries.

Vow for this love, transcending reality.

a dime

The world turns around me in slow motion. I try to hold the thought of you, but it sleeps through my fingers. I end up staring at my empty hands. Are you real, or are you another grotesque joke of my destiny? Illusions made my heart tired and consumed my soul.

Now I live with a soul made of ashes and a heart crawling like a snail in my chest. That must be the reason why sometimes I am so sick of living.

Your silence kills me. I’d like to be there lying at your feet, waiting for a gesture, a smile or a stern look, but being there, with you, getting a tangible proof of your existence.

You are nothing but words and pieces of a puzzle I can’t complete. You are fuzzy feelings and a hand full of heartbeats.

Tell me that you exist for me somehow, somewhere or let me become insane.

Maybe there’s a place where madness is painless and you can rest in it without worries.

I am keen to oblivion.

There have been days in which I thought I could bear the pain if that meant being alive.

There have been days in which I could burn without crying out my fear.

I am not so brave anymore. I have been left in the cold for so long that my heart went out and I don’t even have a match to burn all the rest.

Outside my window some shiny lights and the city, which is nothing more than a passive whore laughing at my sorrow, trying to excite me with a cheap show.

I would like to be free to sleep under a starry sky, alone with the cold and my anger.

Can I mention Love?

Only to tell that it’s not fitting in the picture.

A loveless dog who can’t feel anything else than self pity, that’s what I’ve been called.

The truth is another one though. I am a loveless dog who can’t stop the feeling biting in his flesh like a gin trap.

They ask me to smile but when I do they think it doesn’t suit me.

Being happy is an option I still didn’t pay for. I’ll be there with the next invoice.

The world keeps turning around in slow motion, while I slowly fall asleep to meet my monsters for the next cards game.

Tell me… Are you real, or are you another grotesque joke of my destiny?

I wish you to survive

Today I can’t think sharply. It’s like something would be blurring my senses.
Last night I wanted to show you the meaning of love but it was just sex and the hunger ejaculated out of me and we moved one step further from each other.
You think it’s all given don’t you? You think it’s enough to live a healthy wealthy life together. You don’t need fuel to keep the fire alight, but I do.

I am really sorry.

No, actually I am not.

“Come on, Bo I want to do it…”
“Kid, it’s late let me be…I have to get up at five tomorrow morning”

You rub your erection on my thigh

“Dammit Kid! Don’t behave like a child…you had the whole fucking day to…”

I feel your tongue on my groin

“what the fuck…” I moan.

I am getting hard too and that’s the end of my complaints.

Taking you and then sleep, I know the pattern and then it will be done for another month until YOU feel like it again.

I am human.

You can’t keep messing with me. When I put my foot wrong, maybe you’ll understand.
There’s nothing either good or bad, if we don’t think of it.

Your hands guide me into you, a muffled moan that you silence on my lips.

You control your voice, you still don’t want me to hear you. I get high of my own moans.

The rhythm of my movements doesn’t care about you anymore.

I think of him while having sex with you. That brings me where I want.

“Bo…”
“I know…” But I am not going to stop, not this time, not even if you beg me too. Pleasure turns into pain.

"Bo please…”

I have been begging you for months, in silence: “look at me, I need you…look at me I am starving for your love…” But you’ve been deaf to my cry, letting my tears dry slowly on my cheeks.

I know, but I am not going to stop, I want this pain to wake you up, I want you too see me.
You are crying. I cry out with you, an explosion of rage coming out my throat.

We collapse like card towers. You turn away from me.

Tonight it was not sleep after the pleasure, but anxiety after the pain.

You’ll still be here tomorrow.
I will be here too trying to keep this worn out love alive.

I won’t ask you for forgiveness if I can make this wish come true.

Blaming me is not going to spare you from the pain.

I wish you to survive, I'll do my best not to sink.